My friends think im really selfish, but in reality i’m not. I put everyone before myself, I can help it. I’d rather put a smile on someone’s face or make them laugh at my own expense. I’m always the one to ask “How’s life going?” or “What’s going on?”. I give hugs to my friends when they seem down. But it;s never really reciprocated….No one asks me how im doing or whats going on in my life, so instead i just tell them. I mean what else am i supposed to do if no one asks me??? So it seems like I have to make every topic about me, but in reality if they just asked it would take two seconds. But that rarely happens. I’m a simple person, for me if someone just asks me if i’m okay, it’ll really go a long way. Sometimes all I need is a hug, but it just seems no one wants to give me one.
Just an 18 year old girl from Washington, DC. #UD16 GO BLUE HENS!
Just having fun with life doing what i want!
"Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful, they can all get fucked just stay true to you"- Eminem
I’m really a nice person, I swear. Naturally I’m just a positive, happy, cup half full kind of person. In lower school I was the shy nice girl that knew everyone in her grade and was known for being nice. Came middle school I started to find my voice and became more outspoken. And once high school came around I was more than happy to speak my opinion whether they were positive or negative around my friends, but to everyone I was still the nice girl. But coming to college I’ve just turned into a mean person to my closest friends. My positive attitude has changed into the complete opposite of happy. I’m not sure if it’s because im in a different environment and I’m trying to figure out who i am or if it’s because of the people i hang out with. As much as I love them they are sometimes negative and that has fallen on me. Also when i get drunk, which is almost every weekend, I get frustrated and angry easily. It sucks because I turn into a monster and st don’t care about who i hurt until i wake up the next morning and realized what i had done. And not only when I’m drunk do i get frustrated easily but it also happens more frequently when im sober too. Again I dont know if it’s because my environment has changed or what. Also it didnt help that in the beginning of the semester I was deemed the angry black girl. Like everyone expects me to get angry if certain things happen. Back home no one anticipated me getting angry, it’s such a change for me. I just have all this pent up anger and when Im sober i can just kind of push it down, but when im drunk it all comes out and then Hurricane Kali rolls in. I just want it to stop and have the anger go away
Im not sure what my problem is. I know for sure I have high anxiety, yet none of my friends seem to understand that. I tend to over think every situation, whether it’s about making sure every detailed is planned out for the weekend even though its only a tuesday or making sure my outfit goes together. But unfortunately, this fixation or compulsive thinking also affects my relationship with close friends. With my friends who I have decided are my closest in college I tend to treat the worst because of my high anxiety, Almost everyday I feel as though they are talking about me behind my back or trying to find ways to avoid me. I don’t understand why i put those thoughts into my head because it hurts so bad, I know they love me, but its almost as if I try to convince myself that they really don’t. So when they don’t do what I want, or don’t do/say what I want them to say I get so frustrated and don’t know how to release my anger other than getting mad and start yelling. I wasn’t like this in high school at all. I loved my friends and my best friend. who attends a different college than me, are attached to the hip and rarely ever fight. I guess I just really want to call someone my best friend here at college, but I don’t feel like I can. I get so close to saying, “she’s my best friend in college” but then they do something or i convince myself that they actually aren’t. It sucks so bad and I just don’t know what to do because no one understands me or even tries to help.